Permission to Be Disappointed (Larissa Marks - April 8, 2020)

Do you feel like this? It's ok.

Observation, Perspiration or Inspiration: 

As I hold our 8-month-old foster son today, I feel a wave of sadness because I remember that this was the week we were scheduled to officially adopt him. The adoption date was in the calendar, grandparents were going to fly from out of town, a family celebration was organized. We were ready to officially adopt our son and become his permanent family.

Now, everything is on an indefinite pause due to the pandemic. The stay-at-home order is in effect, courts are closed, and no one knows when our adoption will be processed.

All of us have things that are on hold. Our lives are not what they were before. In both big and small ways, people are feeling a sense of loss. In saying goodbye to our previous lives, sadness and disappointment are a daily reality. Whether you're dealing with grief over a loved one's death, something important being canceled, or life changing in ways you don't like, the feeling of disappointment is real.

So what do we do with the disappointment we feel? I'd like to offer us a few ways to handle our disappointment:

Name your disappointments.

Many of us deal with hard feelings by pretending they aren't there. We push them aside, shove them down, and perhaps tell ourselves we'll deal with them later. But what usually happens is that the burden of these unacknowledged feelings continue to weigh on us, becoming heavy and painful. Our feelings matter. Name your disappointments. Acknowledge the things you've lost.

Give yourself permission to feel sad/upset/crappy.

It's ok to admit you feel sad. Share your unfiltered, honest feelings with God, in your journal, or with a loved one. Go cry for a while. Take some time to feel disappointed. 

Give yourself time.

It may take some time to release the things you've lost. Give yourself time and grace. 

It's ok if you feel upset and disappointed that life doesn't look the way you want it to. That's a sign that you're a human with a healthy range of emotions! When we name our disappointments, and give ourselves permission to feel sad, we're then freer to release them and embrace our new reality.

What have you lost recently?

How are you feeling disappointment?

Prayer:

Father, wherever we are today, we know you are with us. Please meet us in the places of disappointment, sadness, and grief. Be our safe haven and our comforter. Bring us into new thresholds of healing and freedom. Thank you, God. Amen.

An Idea:

While we're in our new reality, consider creative ways to celebrate and mark important life moments. People in our community have taken the opportunity to find creative ways to celebrate birthdays, weddings, and other life things. One husband in our church threw his wife a virtual birthday party with video messages from friends and family. We may not be able to do life the old way, but that means that there are opportunities to invent new ways!