Observation, Perspiration or Inspiration:
An unexpected opportunity for me during this virus lockdown has been time and inclination to travel down memory lane via old photos, videos, dream notes and prayer journals. As I mentioned in my last blog post, and perhaps because I'm normally a busy busy bee, this reflective season blindsided me with some deep and uncomfortable feelings. So today I'm going to talk about the pain of rejection. The anger at dismissive behavior toward a deep posture of grace. The fatigue of patient pursuit. My achy breaky heart.
And, as I am beginning to understand, God's achy breaky heart. Toward us.
See, one area where Jordan and I have been blessed in abundance is in the area of relationships. Likewise, one area where Jordan and I have been pained in abundance is in the area of relationships. Same for you?
Since becoming a Jesus follower as a pre-teen, I have walked out His commitment to be "pro-people" regardless of differences or what they seem to offer me personally. And ever since college, Jordan and I have made it our mission to live invitationally toward people. We've dramatically shaped our lives in order to reach out our hands to others in the way we think Jesus would. We've not been perfect in this. Sometimes downright awkward or dumb. But we've tried. And after 40 years of this, I see the fruit is good. Mostly. Our friendship memories shimmer with glorious breadth, profound levels of intimacy and fascinating geographical richness. Still my survey also triggered a shuddering, shameful tally of gut-tweaking relational losses.
This tally, perhaps unfairly, includes people with whom I once walked closely but who are simply, and without any intentional malice, no longer close. But I feel the cost of my sincere attention and the consistent will power it took to build those friendships. I didn't expect them to be so temporal. And while I used to spend my relational resources quite wildly, I notice that I've become a bit more conservative and strategic with them as years and age have thinned them out.
Other situations are the more expected type of "break up" where, after an exciting start and many hilarious, bonding adventures, something soured. And now those colorful memories carry a bitter after taste, and usually with an echo of accusation or judgement expressed while the relationship cooled.
I was in anguished prayer about this to the Lord for a few days, particularly because I recalled the scriptural admonition to “be tender-hearted one to another”. How, Lord? Once you’ve managed the “agree to disagree” or the “I’m sorry that you felt x when I did y”, what then? Because essential forgiveness yields essential “letting off the hook” but doesn’t automatically restore trust or allow unarmed friendliness.
My years of intentionally loving and being loved have taught me that full resolution for our hearts won’t come until judgement day. And judgement day isn't just meanly punitive. No, it will be air-clearing in the final and life-bringing sense. While I used to fear that idea, now, with humility, I look forward to it. Like the weird scene in Revelations, I identify a little with the souls of the martyrs calling out from under God’s throne, “how long, Lord, til our blood is avenged?” We’ve all had blood in this game. Even God himself. In Revelations, there's this stunning moment when not a soul can be found to release the final and needed judgements... until one who looks like a "lamb who has been slain" steps forward. Apparently, only the biggest loser, Jesus himself, has the appropriate righteousness and mercy to finally settle everyone's score. Your score, my score and the natural earth too.
When is that all going to go down? I don't know. There are wars and rumors of wars happening and global disease and economic distress. Jesus called these "birth pangs" for the end. But apparently we've got some time. Today, at least.
So, in this very important meantime, how do we love one another? How do we not tap out? And keep productively and fruitfully loving -in-patience? How do we continue to lose blood?
I do not have a how-to answer. I am personally on empty here. But what I do have is this.
I’ve begun to perceive that in my floundering, the Creator God is allowing me to identify with Him. Because there is no one who has faced more rejection, dismissal and offense than He has.
And, as I am beginning to understand, God's achy breaky heart. Toward us.
See, one area where Jordan and I have been blessed in abundance is in the area of relationships. Likewise, one area where Jordan and I have been pained in abundance is in the area of relationships. Same for you?
Since becoming a Jesus follower as a pre-teen, I have walked out His commitment to be "pro-people" regardless of differences or what they seem to offer me personally. And ever since college, Jordan and I have made it our mission to live invitationally toward people. We've dramatically shaped our lives in order to reach out our hands to others in the way we think Jesus would. We've not been perfect in this. Sometimes downright awkward or dumb. But we've tried. And after 40 years of this, I see the fruit is good. Mostly. Our friendship memories shimmer with glorious breadth, profound levels of intimacy and fascinating geographical richness. Still my survey also triggered a shuddering, shameful tally of gut-tweaking relational losses.
This tally, perhaps unfairly, includes people with whom I once walked closely but who are simply, and without any intentional malice, no longer close. But I feel the cost of my sincere attention and the consistent will power it took to build those friendships. I didn't expect them to be so temporal. And while I used to spend my relational resources quite wildly, I notice that I've become a bit more conservative and strategic with them as years and age have thinned them out.
Other situations are the more expected type of "break up" where, after an exciting start and many hilarious, bonding adventures, something soured. And now those colorful memories carry a bitter after taste, and usually with an echo of accusation or judgement expressed while the relationship cooled.
I was in anguished prayer about this to the Lord for a few days, particularly because I recalled the scriptural admonition to “be tender-hearted one to another”. How, Lord? Once you’ve managed the “agree to disagree” or the “I’m sorry that you felt x when I did y”, what then? Because essential forgiveness yields essential “letting off the hook” but doesn’t automatically restore trust or allow unarmed friendliness.
My years of intentionally loving and being loved have taught me that full resolution for our hearts won’t come until judgement day. And judgement day isn't just meanly punitive. No, it will be air-clearing in the final and life-bringing sense. While I used to fear that idea, now, with humility, I look forward to it. Like the weird scene in Revelations, I identify a little with the souls of the martyrs calling out from under God’s throne, “how long, Lord, til our blood is avenged?” We’ve all had blood in this game. Even God himself. In Revelations, there's this stunning moment when not a soul can be found to release the final and needed judgements... until one who looks like a "lamb who has been slain" steps forward. Apparently, only the biggest loser, Jesus himself, has the appropriate righteousness and mercy to finally settle everyone's score. Your score, my score and the natural earth too.
When is that all going to go down? I don't know. There are wars and rumors of wars happening and global disease and economic distress. Jesus called these "birth pangs" for the end. But apparently we've got some time. Today, at least.
So, in this very important meantime, how do we love one another? How do we not tap out? And keep productively and fruitfully loving -in-patience? How do we continue to lose blood?
I do not have a how-to answer. I am personally on empty here. But what I do have is this.
I’ve begun to perceive that in my floundering, the Creator God is allowing me to identify with Him. Because there is no one who has faced more rejection, dismissal and offense than He has.
The prophet Isaiah, around 700 BC, describes the sad heart of God in His relational woes:
I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, ‘Here am I, here am I.’ All day long I have held out my hands to an obstinate people, who walk in ways not good, pursuing their own imaginations— a people who continually provoke me to my very face, offering sacrifices in gardens and burning incense on altars of brick. (Isaiah 65:1-3)
I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, ‘Here am I, here am I.’ All day long I have held out my hands to an obstinate people, who walk in ways not good, pursuing their own imaginations— a people who continually provoke me to my very face, offering sacrifices in gardens and burning incense on altars of brick. (Isaiah 65:1-3)
I hear in this God's frustration, amazement and even loneliness, “You were uninterested when I showed up in your life. You didn't return my calls even though I kept texting, I'm here, I'm here. The fact that you "found" me had nothing to do with you and everything to do with my activity. I put myself out there over and over, making all my goodness fully available to you. And then, to my face, you got your jollies elsewhere." Ugh. It makes me so sad for God.
Then, two thousand years ago, the apostle John wrote with stinging similarity about the reception Jesus got in the world he died for: “though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.” Here was the fullness of God the Creator in bodily form, on an unthinkably sacrificial mercy mission, and he got the hand. No worse, he got the finger, betrayal and bloody nails.
Love has been horribly fumbled.
Like a broken marriage, the go-to Biblical metaphor for God's distress... and I think, our own. The holy husband wrings His hands while the love of His life splurges her affections on pimps posing as princes.
Both men and women relate to this Divine helplessness: housewives feel plundered when their husbands find them less interesting than a business deal or a fascinating colleague. Hardworking men likewise bleed secretly from the switchblade of disrespect; getting passed over at work or enduring idiocy and boredom for the sake of responsible stability. In any case, we can all agree: it’s crushing to feel short-changed where we’ve poured out our hearts.
And yet we are “cool” toward God, the most Singular Being who initiates Life, Love and Power. There never has, never will be One more worthy of our hot and constant affection. Not just during the "dating phase" or when life is kicking our asses so we restart our church attendance.
But we (and I) can’t seem to pull it off the long and steady love life we were made for. We're atrociously self-centered. We're like teens eye-rolling at Mom’s kisses, ignorant of her tender pain and terror that first labored us into oxygen. We shout down the outdated Wisdom who put skin on our skeleton: “Later. I have a headache. You’re not easy to understand. I can do this myself. Tell me something I don’t know. I’ll be back right after I get this cool thing done. I need my space. I’m giving You 2 hours a week! What the - the internet is down again?”
Geez. I apparently can’t even keep the human relationships flourishing. And, as scripture says, if ya’ can’t love the peeps you can see, how you gonna love the One ya can’t see, eh? Crap. So, sorry to confess that I am still grappling with how I feel hurt in life. But I see better that I'm not the innocent center of this Korean soap opera. I’ve doled out my share of pain. We all have. There is only One who has loved so faithfully.
As I said, it will all come out in the wash, eventually. The Good Judgement Day will explain all to the last Divine regret, and last human stubbornness.
So, here's a final thought: have we each been allowed to experience relational failures and helplessness just so we can appreciate the God's eternal heart toward us? And more humbly welcome it?
Then, two thousand years ago, the apostle John wrote with stinging similarity about the reception Jesus got in the world he died for: “though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him.” Here was the fullness of God the Creator in bodily form, on an unthinkably sacrificial mercy mission, and he got the hand. No worse, he got the finger, betrayal and bloody nails.
Love has been horribly fumbled.
Like a broken marriage, the go-to Biblical metaphor for God's distress... and I think, our own. The holy husband wrings His hands while the love of His life splurges her affections on pimps posing as princes.
Both men and women relate to this Divine helplessness: housewives feel plundered when their husbands find them less interesting than a business deal or a fascinating colleague. Hardworking men likewise bleed secretly from the switchblade of disrespect; getting passed over at work or enduring idiocy and boredom for the sake of responsible stability. In any case, we can all agree: it’s crushing to feel short-changed where we’ve poured out our hearts.
And yet we are “cool” toward God, the most Singular Being who initiates Life, Love and Power. There never has, never will be One more worthy of our hot and constant affection. Not just during the "dating phase" or when life is kicking our asses so we restart our church attendance.
But we (and I) can’t seem to pull it off the long and steady love life we were made for. We're atrociously self-centered. We're like teens eye-rolling at Mom’s kisses, ignorant of her tender pain and terror that first labored us into oxygen. We shout down the outdated Wisdom who put skin on our skeleton: “Later. I have a headache. You’re not easy to understand. I can do this myself. Tell me something I don’t know. I’ll be back right after I get this cool thing done. I need my space. I’m giving You 2 hours a week! What the - the internet is down again?”
Geez. I apparently can’t even keep the human relationships flourishing. And, as scripture says, if ya’ can’t love the peeps you can see, how you gonna love the One ya can’t see, eh? Crap. So, sorry to confess that I am still grappling with how I feel hurt in life. But I see better that I'm not the innocent center of this Korean soap opera. I’ve doled out my share of pain. We all have. There is only One who has loved so faithfully.
As I said, it will all come out in the wash, eventually. The Good Judgement Day will explain all to the last Divine regret, and last human stubbornness.
So, here's a final thought: have we each been allowed to experience relational failures and helplessness just so we can appreciate the God's eternal heart toward us? And more humbly welcome it?
Prayer:
God, though You are perfect in character and affection, You live with a broken heart. And for thousands of years, You have not stopped holding out Your hands to us. For 53 years, You haven’t stopped holding out Your hands to me.
When will I respond faithfully to Your love?
We all have failed, toward one another and toward You.
Please send us the promise of Your Holy Spirit again, and create in us the pure love which, apparently, we are damned incapable of either generating or sustaining.
You promised millennia ago: “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 11)
Do it, Lord, please. Help us walk with tenderness through the years to come, both toward You and toward one another.
Amen.
When will I respond faithfully to Your love?
We all have failed, toward one another and toward You.
Please send us the promise of Your Holy Spirit again, and create in us the pure love which, apparently, we are damned incapable of either generating or sustaining.
You promised millennia ago: “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 11)
Do it, Lord, please. Help us walk with tenderness through the years to come, both toward You and toward one another.
Amen.
An Idea:
Is there one friend toward whom you have been "putting off" initiating an act of kindness, tenderness or respect? Make that tangible, concrete action today.
Make one tangible, concrete act to demonstrate to God that He has your time and attention.
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