Don't Be a Stranger to What You Most Deeply Want (Larissa Marks - May 13, 2020)

I've been considering those words of Father Greg Boyle recently, and have come to realize that oftentimes, I am a stranger to what I most deeply want. Recently, I've sensed Jesus asking me, "What do you want? What do you want me to do for you?" These are simple questions, yet I find them so difficult to answer. My true desires are often buried under other things that drive my life, like responsibilities, expectations, should's and should-nots. What I most deeply want sometimes feels like a stranger.

The other day, I witnessed my daughter in a moment of complete knowing of what she wanted. She got a chance to see her grandparents in person for the first time since the social distancing orders went into effect. She was so excited, but then we told her she had to stay 6 feet away from her grandparents, and she began to cry. "But I want to hug them. Why can't I hug them?" More tears. Her desire was pure and simple - she wanted to hug her grandparents, and was sad that she couldn't. Seeing her clarity and awareness of what she wanted did something in me. I suddenly became aware that deep down I had the same longing. I too wanted to hug our family members. I wanted to reach out and embrace my mom and dad. And the fact that I couldn't do that made me cry too. So my daughter and I cried together for a while, sharing our common desire to hug our family members.

Later, I had a conversation with Jesus, where I shared my present longings with him. Because I had witnessed my daughter's honesty with her desires, I somehow felt more freedom to acknowledge and name my own desires with Jesus. 

It can be scary to take an honest look at what we want. We might discover unmet desires and unacknowledged disappointment. Perhaps it seems safer to ignore or dismiss our deepest longings.

But what if God himself deposited your deepest desires into you? What if he designed you to know him more intimately in those desires?

If we withhold our deepest desires from God, we will keep him at a distance. We will miss out on the opportunity for God to meet us in those desires. If, however, we allow ourselves to acknowledge what we most deeply want, then we get more in touch with our soul. And in that place, we are free to deeply, intimately connect with God and receive from him.

I wonder if we can learn from my daughter, and freely bring to Jesus what we most deeply want. Can we come to God with a childlike posture, and be honest and vulnerable and bold?

Who knows? Maybe the things you most deeply want are the very same things God most deeply wants for you.

Prayer:

Jesus, thank you for inviting us to come to you as little children. Thank you that in your presence we can freely bring our honest, unfiltered longings and desires. Give us the courage to come to you just as we are. Meet us in our desires, and let us know you more intimately. Amen.

An Idea:

Take some time today to reflect on what you most deeply want. Don't edit yourself. Simply journal or list out the things that your soul most deeply longs for. Share those things with God. Listen for anything he wants to say.