Observation, Perspiration or Inspiration:
As many households see their familiar routines tossed out
the window, frustrations are mounting.
School and work are different. So
is family life. Some tasks take longer,
some are harder. Some can’t even be
done. Things don’t always turn out the
way we expect. How annoying!
Long before the pandemic hit, I realized I’m a perfectionist. I’m not exactly proud of my perfectionism. I used to be, but not anymore. I know perfectionism is a character flaw
because I get angry when my tolerance for deviation from my standards is exceeded. The anger then spreads like a coronavirus spewed
from the sneeze of an unmasked carrier less than six feet away. Last time I checked, anger isn’t part of the
fruit of the Spirit.
My anger index is spiking more than usual these days, and
that bothers me. Clearly, I need to
confront my perfectionism and talk to God about why it bugs me so much to have my
expectations violated.
One question I ask God is, what’s wrong with wanting to do
things well? My standards are aimed at quality
and efficiency, I argue. Aren’t those honorable
aims? This is basically how the Lord
answered me:
You’re right that excellence is a
virtue. It(’s good to do things well. But why do you get angry when things don’t go
the way they should? And why do you get upset
when others muck up your plans to do things a certain way? Son, your standards are preventing you from loving
others and yourself. You’re playing judge. Legalism is stealing your peace.
Ouch! Painful as it
might be to admit it, God is right (He always is).
Here's how I would sum up the problem with perfectionism.
Perfectionism is the legalistic perversion of excellence. Excellence is intrinsic to the Kingdom of God,
and we should rejoice in it. It is right
to take pleasure in the goodness and beauty of a job well done. God did just that after each day of Creation. Genesis 1:1-31.
Perfectionism, by contrast, isn’t about enjoyment. The focus of perfectionism is compliance with
a standard or expectation. Perfectionism
metes out love (or punishment) based on how well one complies. The perfectionist’s mindset is that people
who fall below a standard, including themselves, are [insert your favorite negative
adjective], and that spawns disappointment, guilt, and offense.
So what’s the remedy?
I’m still figuring that out, but I know it has something to do with
grace. God is perfect and his works are
perfect. How heart-wrenching it must be
for God, then, to see his creations ruined by sin. Talk about a perfectionist’s nightmare. God could have rejected us all and sulked. Instead, he chased after us and redeemed us because
of his love.
Prayer:
I love that you are perfect, Father God, and that you
designed me like you to crave perfection.
I also want to love perfectly like you do. I need your help. Thank you!
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
An Idea:
Practice the art of enjoyment. Take time to savor things. It could be something as simple as a cup of
coffee. Notice its flavor, the way it
sloshes around in your mouth. Appreciate
the cup you’re using. Look at its
design. Think about what went into
making it. Increasing our capacity for
enjoyment diminishes our inclination to criticize and complain.
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